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The Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her

shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel

and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the

next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800

to drop that towel". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel

and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800

and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets

to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband

says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit

and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent

avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her

gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling

the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father,

remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up

her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his

arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go

forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss

a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch

when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,

driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on

the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and

the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw

the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below

the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit

and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting

very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the

top of that tree, "sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and

found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the

tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second

branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of

the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you

there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze

and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow

came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the

pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually

thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for

joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the

sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly

dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2)

Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in

deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

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